I have been sick this weekend.
For the first day or so I could keep my mind right. Made little mental lists of why it is good to take a break. I reflected on how nice my apartment is, how soft my bed feels, thought about everything wonderful I’ve been doing lately.
And then boom, I wake up from my 4th nap and I am tired of being in bed. It’s the weekend, I was supposed to be in Mexico lounging on the beach with my mom. My friends are out, things are happening, I’ve been invited to parties and events.
So why the hell am I in bed? Sniffles or not I’m getting up! But I still have this cough, and I don’t have much energy. So after a shower, a hot meal, and some tea. I wind up right back where I started.
Except this time, my headspace is nothing but negative. Which is no place for the healing, calming vibes I need.
I start to get more and more discontent. Then I realize why am I doing this to myself? Isn’t this a time for self love and care? What’s wrong with a little rest!?
I am currently still in bed battling with this but I thought maybe if I make a list of the 5 ways to stay positive (when you have a serious case of FOMO) it would help me out.
1. Listen to your favorite songs.
Turn on that Jason Mraz, or maybe you prefer Bryson Tiller, or Phil Collins, or Mariah Carey. It don’t matter who it is as long as you can belt out with it and forget your worries for a few songs. Added suggestion: pick happy songs...
2. Treat yourself to your favorite meal.
I don’t care if it’s a 5 Star steak dinner or a Wendy’s frosty. Order yourself something that will instantly soothe your soul. It’s not called comfort food for nothing.
3. Get dressed up!
Nothing makes me feel better than getting dressed up and serving some looks. Honestly even if you just go out for a coffee or to the grocery store for 30 minutes but feel foxy it will help.
4. Complete something on your todo list.
I think we all have those little things we procrastinate with on our to do lists... maybe it’s cleaning your closet or returning that brand air-mattress you bought at costco last June. Just get up and do it!
5. Talk to a friend on the phone.
More often than not, when we are feeling FOMO, we are really feeling lonely. But the truth is we always have someone who cares. Call a friend and just ask them about their week. You never know where that can lead, maybe you’ll end up meeting up for drinks, one of you will come over and watch movies, or just get wrapped up into chatting for hours. Remember true friends are the family we choose and they want to support us when we are feeling at our worst.
No matter what you choose to do in those down moments, something productive, even if small, will always make you feel accomplished and have you focused away from what others are doing and on what you can do for yourself! If you’re loving yourself and nurturing your happiness then you will allow yourself to feel comfortable in the days when you aren’t a social butterfly. Missing out is okay once and a while, and sometimes keeps us out of big trouble (or from getting a massive hangover.)
Bye for now, from my bed,
Lately I have been frustrated. My patience has felt tested. This has stemmed from a series of conversations with individuals who are either, not on the same page as me, or use language that I don’t understand. It feels like I’ve been teeter-tottering and trying to find my balance for a while now, and it’s become exhausting.
People always emphasize the importance of good communication. To be a good partner, or employee, or friend, you have to communicate well. But that quality is a practiced skill and it affects everything. The quality of your life is determined by the quality of your conversations. Dialogue and communication, especially when something needs to change, is the number one thing that shapes our lives. Essentially our productivity and happiness depends on clear and meaningful conversations with the people in our lives.
Expectations, frustrations, or hurt feelings can either be transformed or worsened by the words we speak. Language is powerful AF. As individuals we have many choices on how we choose to communicate when things get tough. More often than not, I think the human emotional response is to speak poorly, be passive aggressive, resentful, or avoid communicating at all.
I think each of us have been a vessel and a victim of these behaviors. I know I am not perfect and often need to stop and think before speaking about important topics to avoid being too harsh or emotional. Many moments when I myself have sat in avoidance is because I am in a fearful place.
This is usually due to being afraid. Afraid to speak my truths, of rejection, misunderstanding, or backlash, but whenever I’ve indulged in these feelings, the fallout was inevitable. And maybe over something that was once trivial, like my boyfriend leaving the toilet seat up or my best friend forgetting to pay me back for a night out for the 3rd time. Then overtime like a disease, it spreads into something much larger due to hurt feelings and resentments.
I have lost relationships over these behaviors and ways of communicating, and have also been hurt from others communicating to me poorly. Though on the opposite end of that, my personal tendency has always been to overshare. This can also be bad, dependent on what place defensiveness takes in the conversations. I can admit I have been hostile, emotional, and over apologetic when in that place. And that "place" is never good.
Defensiveness itself is a black hole. It’s a feeling of being threatened or unsafe or questioned. Sometimes it has nothing to do with the actual words being spoken, but the tone and conditions of the conversation itself. Cultures of fear in my past relationships, workplaces, and even within my family have stemmed from defense.
But we cannot allow these things to stop us from sharing our thoughts. We shouldn’t apologize for our views and needs as an individual. It is hard to do, like way, way harder than me just typing it out. But softening our opinions is usually dishonest and only makes things worse. There is strength in vulnerability and being willing to listen when you disagree.
It is ironic right? I’ve experienced this my whole life, the more forceful I am about my viewpoint, the more resistant the person I’m talking to becomes. For a period of time, I made the mistake of constantly talking in absolutes. But just because I am passionate doesn’t mean I am right (though sometimes I am right, right??) I still have to be objective and kind. I can’t just sit in my beliefs like… “I’m right, everyone else is wrong and if they don’t agree with me then they are stupid and I’m going to SHUT THEM DOWN!”
That’s no way to behave or think or speak. It actually breaks people apart, and causes resentments that could last a lifetime. And it never gives the conversation a chance to end. It just puts a pause on the dialogue which will eventually (assuming you see the person again) cause the same issue to be brought up again and again, because you never heard the other person out and found a solution.
So what the hell do we do to change?
Be resilient when someone communicates poorly.
Apologize when necessary.
Set clear expectations.
Make a plan for what you want the ultimate outcome to be of conversations.
Be loving and kind.
And hopefully things can get a little bit better.
I am BLESSED YALL.
Months ago when I decided to rebuild my brand from scratch, I can admit I was nervous and uncertain. Everything about my self esteem was rocky at that point but I was slowly rebuilding and beginning to see myself in a new light.
It really all began when I was in London last December and took a hard look at myself. It was the first quiet moment I had, had in the months post my break up and the consecutive fall out after. It was in that moment that I had my Britney Spears 2007 moment and went to a hair salon. I said CHOP IT OFF AND MAKE ME BLONDE. Mentally I wasn’t at my best, but... little did I know that, that one move was going to kick start a fire in me. I have always experimented with my looks but I never knew that one haircut and some time away could transform my life.
Since then things have been a whirlwind. I began my website and went through my Instagram... It was a visual representation of everything I'd done right and the things i'd been misguided on. Slowly I started picking apart my life from the past two years and began erasing, with clear intention, the pieces that no longer fit. And with those few decision, I completely fell into my own.
At the speed of light everything I had wanted manifested into my life. An amazing new roommate, new friends (who are so full of empathy, love, and motivation) and a meaningful and beautiful new romance, all which fell into my lap in a matter of weeks.
I also began traveling every weekend again, a habit that brings me so much joy. I started to remember who I was again, and through going to events, networking, and most importantly meeting strong and badass women, I just felt positive and good. The transformation was both visual and spiritual and I knew it was in work, when people around me started to vocalize that they noticed.
At at one event in particular, I was introduced to Christina. Hilarious, beautiful, and sweet (and a hell of a force to be reckoned with.) We connected after over instagram and I started to read her blog www.growwitheflow.com. I suggest checking it out (seriously go... but wait until after you finish reading this post.) She is an entrepreneur focused on travel that bring women of all backgrounds together. Her company is called Wildflower tours, and here’s the best part: I GOT TO ATTEND THE FIRST GETAWAY.
I was so excited to connect with the other women attending the trip. Everything was planned for us, I received the itinary and was like.. woah!
We gathered together on Friday night in our suite at the Hyatt Palm Springs, and set out our intentions for the weekend. This is when I went... DAMN the women here are AMAZING!
We had Christina of course, then Taylor, the hilarious, real AF, hottie beauty blogger, and creator of California Bloggers, a community of creatives and professionals in California. Next, Kenesha, a style maven, slayin' model, stylist, and recent East Coast to West Coast transplant. Then Carmen, a badass, "quit-my-job- cause i'm a boss ass bitch" and laugh-out-loud funny cutie. And last, but not least Kayla, gorgeous, sweet, and motivated chica, who... did i mention? used to be a fucking Marine! OVERALL this was a group of educated, sassy, sweet, and funny women. I was like hells...YESSSSSS, my people!
Saturday can be described as a tornado of fun. And I need to give a shout out to all of the amazing sponsors from our weekend away. The Palm Springs Aerial Tramway, Suja Juice, Health-Ade Kombucha, Rebbl Organics, Justins Nut Butter, That’s It Fruit Bars, Holl & Lane Magazine, Ritual Energy, Wild Hearts and Halos, Paru Tea & Coola!
And a special shout out to Notch and Fletch jewelry www.notchandfletch.com for setting me up and making sure I was all beautiful for this trip.
Photo: Myself wearing Mini Hula Earrings with Sleeping Beauty Turquoise and a New Lander Stacking Ring.
OVERALL WILDFLOWER TOURS GETS A 10/10 REVIEW
and I can't wait till the next one.........
I leave you all with some photos.
and in the words of Tay "See Ya"