With all my intentions, and despite my post title, I can honestly say that I hoped I would be a more compassionate person. But alas, there is always today, tomorrow, and the days after this that will allow me to be better!
The past couple of years have been difficult. I think it started when my mom became really ill, to put this into context it was right after my dad himself was released from the hospital for open heart surgery. She was at the hospital for almost four weeks until they discharged her, sent her home with a caregiver, told her to stay in bed for a while (and change her entire lifestyle.) For a while I enjoyed my solitude while dealing with my own emotions surrounding my family. I worked on bettering myself as an individual or so I thought, my physical health rapidly improved, but mentally I did not. I held onto a lot of resentments I had surrounding various relationships, friendships, and people who did not show me kindness during those harder times in my life.
Fast forward to 2016, I was in a very beautiful but serious relationship, with a man I cared about very much. We decided to move in together. It was a happy decisions. And it came crumbling apart last year. I hurt a person that mattered to me with my own flaw but only because I wasn't ready to love another when I hadn't worked on fully loving myself.
After the fact I had many people voice their opinions. And I found myself taking refuge from friendships over harmful words and actions. I had to choose to love myself even when I didn’t like myself very much. And damn it’s painful to see yourself honestly.
Going into 2018, I thought everything would be better. But at first it was very bittersweet. The past few month had been turbulent and I was slowly putting my life together again. A lot of days it doesn’t feel right. I was obsessed with everything being perfect instead of loving myself. But in that I learned that I want to accept what people offer, if it’s good, I want to sip on their koolaid. Take their love and give it back x100. I want to trust people with my heart, even if it will get broken. It opened my eyes people! 2018 isn’t about being perfect for me, it’s about being human and healthy and genuine. Mental health is my priority this year and being as gentle and loving as possible. Soaking up the happy, sweet, bits and pieces of life.
Over these months I have had this amazing opportunity to look inwards and really embrace myself. The importance of self love has been in the forefront of my mind and I have to say, I have been so freaking giddy and reflective for the past few weeks! 2018 has been beautiful for me and continues to prove so! (Thank you thank you universe!)
This being said I have found that many things I believe strongly in, are even more predominant than usual. I believe in love, hard work, independence, apologies, and remaining humble. I believe in karma for the moments when you do those things right.
Honestly I still am turmoiled with the idea of ego, and this is where compassion lies.
I had never seen myself as a judgmental person. Believed I always wished the best for everyone, I don't hate anything, and I have tried for as long as I can remember to discover and understand why things happen, and why people act a certain way. Lately I have realized that I went through life basing my expectations of others on what I am capable of, not what they have to offer as an individual. Your priorities and my priorities are not the same. And thats okay. That's cool. This is how we learn from one another.
And maybe I won't always understand, but I can be compassionate.
I can only be compassionate, when others are different from me. I can only be kind to them.
Whether it is for a job, or money, or even for love. And I don't mean education about a career, I mean life skills, understanding how to treat people, being street smart. Each of us makes mistakes, so instead of judge, I can empathize and I can change my reactions.
Do you know how therapeutic it is to realize that?!
I know that wanting to be a better person has a lot to do with an individual. It is personality, it is actions, it is discovering yourself (your bad side.) It is a choice, plain and simple.
Who we choose to surround ourselves with, represent pieces of ourselves.
And as quickly as I changed my outlook, I am once again living the life I have always dreamed. Traveling, creating content, teaching, and thriving. I acknowledged that my trajectory had gotten off course, I was surrounded with extremely positive, confident, and motivated people again. 2018 has made me feel so blessed and full of life. I feel supported, loved, and like nothing can stop me. I have many more exciting trips planned coming up now.
Struggling is human, but you can choose gratitude and optimism any day and that really gives me hope for my future.
My name is Faith. My birthday is September 6th 1991. I live in one of the most beautiful places in the world, I have traveled extensively and can say this objectively: San Diego, California.
I am 5’7 and have had my hair every color you can imagine. Today it is silver (but almost blue.) My little brother is probably more fashionable than me and my younger sister is way better at beauty.
I am currently writing this at 1:15 am eastern time, in Brooklyn while one of my best friends in the world sleeps next to me. I’ve been blessed to have an international league of friends who are the most wonderful people I’ve ever met. They are also who I call for spontaneous crash pads when I book plane tickets randomly.. it happens way too often.
I love to dance. Though not particularly fond of the dancing rituals within traditional American courtship. Please don’t grind on my booty.
This might be why I’m not in a relationship, though to be fair my last relationship ended only 6 months ago and was quite serious. I lived with my past partner, he is an incredible human being and is someone I admire to this day. I have not one bad thing to say.
And yes I like men. I have no type, I don’t discriminate based on looks. I enjoy the company of genuine people and personality is key. If you love to travel and can cook that’s a plus too, but by no means a deal breaker. I’m a bit of a romantic and an optimist at heart. Though someone would have to keep up with me to get there. I’m constantly doing things and enjoy the company of others who are motivated and positive.
A few of my passions in life. I’m a singer, I play guitar, I love photography and I enjoy being photographed.
I work for a social justice organization. It is extremely important to me that people understand their value. I’d love to help others recognize the microagressions and biases they grew up in. For young people to understand how important they are. To live in an inclusive world. To have everyone be identified correctly. To be able to talk about these things in a non judgmental honest way. Encouraging others to be the best version of themselves and in turn reflecting on who I am and being that way myself. Practicing what I preach. Decolonizing our minds is the first step and quite honestly it’s hard. How do we reflect and undo the colonial European influence on our lives and our prejudices.
Mostly I think it’s about being more accepting. I think that my lived experience has pushed me into this kind of advocacy role. My childhood was unique and though I’m a white appearing person I grew up in a multicultural family. My community was a cornucopia of brown magic. It taught me to be thoughtful on how I speak, what my own limitations are and what microagressions are.
But my childhood was also silly and soft. Spice world was probably in my top 5 priorities and Harry Potter was my bae. I played video games with my cousins and idolized *NSYNC. Today I’d say I’m still really really into all of the above but my experiences have expanded and I’m super excited to share more with the world.
So HELLO WORLD. As I post more I’m going to share my life. I think of it as a gratitude adventure. And I hope that we can be friends!!